remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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