So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
