idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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