if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
