my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize