there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
