Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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