I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
