Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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