I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
