it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
