apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
