well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
