have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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