Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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