he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize