I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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