Me too!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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