my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we're making bets on your personal life
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
