But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
