Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
