My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
