He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
