So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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