it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
