I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
