I didn't shave. On purpose
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
