I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
