Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
