Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
look no pants
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
