have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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