I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize