I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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