I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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