Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
