Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
