we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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