I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize