The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
