my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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