Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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