i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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