Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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