Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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