Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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