We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
is it fun? or sober?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
