areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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