My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
