Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
