we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
