see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
