I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
