Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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