I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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