So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
