ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
she told me i tasted like america
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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