meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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