All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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