We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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