What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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