I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
