I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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