he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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