Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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