Where are you?
In a non slutty way
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
