the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
