My nipple is on Facebook.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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