Betty ford says i'm here all night
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
