I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
