dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
