i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
