i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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