I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
