I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
